Boundaries: Why is it Important to Set Boundaries in Interpersonal Relationships?
Personal boundaries we set for ourselves in interpersonal communication and family, friendship, romantic or professional relationships are the guidelines, rules, or personal boundaries for other people’s safe, and permissible behavior and attitudes toward us. Being aware of our limits also sets the limits for our reactions when someone crosses them and for the actions of others that concern us. Our personal boundaries are built by our beliefs, values, and attitudes, by the reactions we receive to our behavior in the relationships we have established throughout our lives.
Where boundaries begin and end in relationships may differ depending on the person’s lifestyle, beliefs, and personality. Similarly, while it is very difficult for us to understand exactly where our personal boundaries begin and end, the feelings that come with someone breaking our personal boundaries and violating the invisible lines we draw are common to most of us. The guilt of having to say no to a friend’s wedding invitation because you will be out of town at that time and being on vacation instead of being at the wedding; how they react when you tell your friends about this situation, how you defend yourself when someone makes fun of you about something and where your emotional personal boundaries begin and end. These Contain related boundary messages.
What Does It Mean to Have Limits?
At what point the things that make us happy or sad are similar and coincident with the understanding of the happiness of others, and the extent to which our own and others’ needs can be met is determined by our limits. Setting personal boundaries in a relationship is an act of self-love and self-respect rather than selfishness. Personal Boundaries reflect values, beliefs, feelings, and thoughts that can be bent and gently conveyed when needed, not rigid rules we set to try to control the lives of others. To learn where healthy personal boundaries begin and end, we first need to understand the types of personal boundaries and boundary-setting patterns we frequently encounter daily.
People with hard personal boundaries; don’t want help even if they need it. They keep their distance to avoid rejection and don’t share information about their lives. They have few or no close contacts. Since they keep their distance from everyone, avoid expressing their thoughts and feelings as they are, and avoid reflecting on their behavior, they are seen as compatible people and generally do not experience conflict in their relationships.
People with permeable boundaries; They share more details about their private life than necessary. Because they have difficulty saying no, they also take the responsibility of dealing closely with other people’s problems. They may tolerate disrespect or even abuse. Relying too much on other people’s opinions, they often base all their decisions on the opinions of others.
People with healthy personal boundaries; Although they value other people’s opinions, they do not compromise their values to meet the wishes of others. They share information about their private lives in an appropriate and balanced way only when they feel secure enough. They place great emphasis on trust and respect in a relationship. They can easily say no to themselves, as they tolerate receiving no answers from others.
Physical Personal Boundaries
Physical limits include our need for personal space, the extent to which it is tolerable for others to touch our bodies, and our physical needs for food, drink, and rest. We can easily say that these limits have been exceeded if someone intentionally or unintentionally does not allow us to relax, quench our hunger and thirst, or respect our personal space.
Sexual Personal Boundaries
No one can touch you unless you ask for it. Sexual and physical limitations are about consent, respect, and privacy. These personal boundaries are violated when there is unwanted touch when we are forced to display unwanted sexual behavior when we lie about our health history or birth control.
Emotional Personal Boundaries
These personal boundaries are violated when we are criticized for how we feel when asked questions that make us uncomfortable or when we think we should hide our feelings. Respecting other people’s emotions, knowing when and how to share our own emotions, and empathizing with other people’s feelings show that we have emotional boundaries.
Time Personal Boundaries
Time is precious. Our time limits are about understanding and determining what is important and not—our priorities. These limits are crossed when people demand your time, ask you to work unpaid, or arrive late for a meeting.
Intellectual Personal Boundaries
These limits are about respecting our and others’ opinions and the time and energy spent communicating. These personal boundaries are crossed with racist, sexist or homophobic rhetoric when others force us to accept or act on our opinions.
Material Personal Boundaries
Material limits relate to what we own, how we share them, and how much we allow others to use them. These limits are crossed when other people interfere with our material possessions without our consent or use them to manipulate and control our relationship.
Why is it Important to Set Boundaries in Relationships?
Creating personal boundaries is vital for our personal development, and healthy relationships. Having boundaries in our relationships allows us to communicate our needs and wants clearly and unequivocally, without fear of other people’s reactions. We also need to draw as clear personal boundaries as possible so that other people do not use us for their benefit and that we are not harmed. Determining our borders and not violating these boundaries are among the most important prerequisites for developing our self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-awareness.
On the contrary, when we try to live with unhealthy personal boundaries and values based only on pleasing others, we lose our self-respect over time. In our boundless relationships, we continue to give of ourselves, and we may feel ignored when we seek help from others. Letting others dictate what we like, where we’re going, or who we show that we’re letting them control our entire lives a prime indication that our personal boundaries are unhealthy.
Expecting other people to meet all your needs and life based solely on other people’s expectations may likewise indicate that you have boundary problems. Just as you are not responsible for anyone’s happiness, you need to be aware that others are not responsible for your happiness and that you have to take full responsibility for your life. For this, you need to learn to draw healthy personal boundaries by being aware of how much of your behavior, feelings, and thoughts are yours, how much is controlled by others, and how much of this control you want to take into your own hands.
Why Do We Need Boundaries?
To feel good in our daily life, to be away from stress, and to maintain our relationships on a healthy basis, we need to be able to separate our responsibilities from ourselves and others. Especially those who are overly responsible may tend to undertake more than they need, what they can do and want. This can cause them to hurt themselves and others by carrying loads too heavy to carry. Healthy personal boundaries start with acknowledging that we can’t make others well unless we’re good to ourselves first. To share our time, energy, help, and support with others, we must not be exhausted and take time for ourselves. While it may feel good in the short run to deal only with the problems, wants, and needs of others, this attitude will not be sustainable if we deprive ourselves of the same care and attention.
We can show clearer and more consistent behavior when we know others’ needs, wants, and responsibilities. The respect we show for ourselves allows other people to respect us more and will enable us to use our time and energy more balanced. Having limits is the most important prerequisite for loving, accepting, and respecting ourselves more; It is a tangible way of showing others that we matter.
Why Is It So Hard to Set Personal Boundaries?
At some point in our lives, we must put other people’s needs before our own. Especially if we have a child whose basic needs are solely our responsibility, or anyone we have to take care of… At this point, you must first be aware that setting personal boundaries are not selfish but an integral part of your self-care. The guilt we feel when we don’t meet someone else’s needs stems from the fear that we won’t be loved or accepted if we don’t help. Stretching our personal boundaries too much to avoid being abandoned, excluded, and taken is a defense mechanism created by our ego in order not to be harmed. When someone turns away from you just because you didn’t help or compromise yourself, it’s one of the most important signs that that person doesn’t love you just for being you.
Our ingrained belief that setting personal boundaries can jeopardize the relationship can prevent us from identifying and displaying what acceptable and unacceptable behavior is for us. At this point, we need to be aware that boundaries are necessary to protect our well-being and health, not punish others. For example, although it doesn’t mean that you don’t love your friends, just because you want to hug them instead of kissing them at every meeting, you may prefer not to say anything about it to avoid any conflict in your relationship. However, it is clear that your friends have no intention of bothering you, and knowing that you prefer to hug will not take away from their love or interest in you.
One of the biggest obstacles to our failure to learn to create healthy personal boundaries stems from our inability to know where our edges begin and where they end and our belief that boundaries cannot be stretched.
Being Able to Say No
The art of saying “no” is also an extremely difficult skill to acquire, especially regarding healthy boundaries. Saying ‘yes’ to every request and expectation with the belief that you will be loved is something we have all done at least once in our lives. However, to establish healthy personal boundaries, even if it is very difficult, we must forgive ourselves and learn to answer ‘no’ when necessary.
When you answer ‘yes’ to any request even though you don’t want it, you may feel anger towards the person making the request and yourself. In such situations, most of us can accept the task or responsibility we have committed and show procrastination instead of clarifying what we want and do not want to prove ourselves. However, learning to say no when we say yes to avoid conflict is the first step in establishing personal boundaries and understanding the concept of personal boundaries.
Why and how does setting healthy personal boundaries contribute to our lives?
Healthy personal boundaries lead to high self-confidence as it determines our reactions to the situations we encounter. It allows us to be more in touch with the reality of every situation without letting our ego intimidate us with fear. It improves our relationships as we can communicate better with others. While it allows us to be clear about what we want and don’t want, it also makes us feel like we have more stability and control over our lives when we feel like we have more fulfilling relationships. Being able to communicate your needs and wants clearly to other people in your life doesn’t mean you’re rude or cold. Expressing your boundaries with the words “I need” or “I feel” using the language of “I” without hurting other people, without entering personal boundaries, is a prerequisite for other people not to violate your personal boundaries.
Learning self-awareness and self-confidence are the first steps to setting personal boundaries. Knowing that you say ‘yes’ to yourself at the end of every ‘no’ answer you give will contribute to developing your self-esteem and perception. Recognize why saying ‘No’ is important and necessary to protect your boundaries and create healthy boundaries.
